Yesterday Wednesday was my day off. I had decided not to do much but managed to pull myself onto the pcn and did a slow 4km jog which ended up at Springleaf ( after so long ) for 2 pratas. Trying to stick to short, quick runs isn't as easy as I thought. The plan is 3k as often as possible. Why is it difficult to motivate myself ? After all it's not like it'll cause me pain on my knees or hip as it did with the previous longer distance running. Has it to do with overthinking of my current issues ? It will all work out !
Anyway, will try harder. This year is going to present a new adventure and challenges. Mainly with the property buying which will be soon I hope ! After 2019, I am ready to move on to a new chapter. Give yourself permission to show up in a small way..
Work
Currently the state of the virus (nCov2019) is at the forefront of everyone's mind. Personally I am still concerned over my travels to work (bus and mrt). The advice from MOH is not to wear mask unless you are sick but at the same time there had been reports of local transmission from people to people who have not traveled to China. That does not help my confidence. I have questions. Questions on how they purify the air in these public transport. I was shy at using the mask once, especially during the haze and went gungho on it. But this time, equipped with a mask and sanitizer dangling at the front of my bag, I'd go to work :D : Update ( 50 positive cases as of today )
On the personal front, I am realising how I am slowly being pulled into changing. Adapting a behaviour which I am not proud of. Why do I do it ? I think it's because of the deep need (which I did not realise) of wanting to be accepted and be on par with F since she is my sup. I am also observing certain traits and character about her. Is she insecure ? Why is she so affected by Medusa ? What do I have to do to handle my own emotion ? Reacting is certainly the wrong thing to do.
Perhaps I need to pull back now before it gets worse. Back to a milder, less toxic thoughts. Back out from the little space I have allowed to create with F. A space which isn't healthy for me. Less bitchiness and more understanding, accepting of Medusa. Back to meditating under my Dragon Tree in FD.
Health
Am still conscious about weight loss. Am also very conscious to the fact that I am having trouble with keeping the discipline and thoughts I have in order to portion down on my food and choosing healthier meal. Something I am not proud of. Its so easy to find an excuse.
Need to fight my own DEMON
Never mind... forgive yourself and do better !
Personal
SS left a Specialized water bottle and a little teddy bear in my basket. He left a Lion mascot SSC soft toy 2 weeks ago. Sent a thank you note to his email. The least right thing to do.
The pain fades out through time ...
Be Selfish .... and look after No.1
